This is one of the most remarkable factoids that I have come across this year.
There are now twice as many men in the United States between the ages of 20-39 who are single compared to those who are married.
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| Source: https://ifstudies.org/insights/?id=4483 |
Since 2000 among men aged 20-39.
Unmarried up 47% : 20.7M (2000) → 30.4M (2025)
Married down 15%: 18.1M (2000) → 15.4M (2025)
Looked at the issue of the unmarried more broadly, 40% (120+ million) of the adult population is single.
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| Source: https://x.com/robkhenderson/status/2090811808248422527 |
We are in uncharted territory.
How have we gotten here and what are the implications?
A big reason is that women have gotten more freedom and independence to choose their ideal mate.
Contraceptives, higher education and incomes, combined with less social stigma about being single, have allowed young women to be more selective in selecting a spouse.
150 years ago a girl living on a farm knew that her prospects might be limited to 3 or 4 farm boys who lived within 5 miles of her.
Even 30 years ago the potential supply of mates for a man or woman would be limited to their immediate vicinity and social circle.
The rise of the internet and dating sites has given everybody what seems like an unlimited potential supply of mates.
One result is that young women have gotten a lot more selective about their life choices.
Those men who have below average looks, education, incomes or height have increasingly been sorted out of the dating and marriage market.
If you doubt that, consider the results of studies of a few social media sites.
Men are open to a much larger percentage of available women than is the case of the opposite sex based on looks alone.
96% of men never get beyond the profile page with women.
On the other hand, 60% of women pass this first test with men.
The height test is also a difficult one for many men to pass.
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| Credit: https://x.com/JedediahBila/status/1912616134895190442 |
The problem is that about 40% of the male population in the United States is 5'8' or shorter.
Only 14% of adult male are 6 feet or taller.
This then gets us to the even more difficult questions of education and income.
I have a lot of friends with daughters in their 30's who are not yet married. These are for the most part attractive, college-educated women. They have good jobs and are interested in finding the right guy. The common complaint is there are not enough quality young men.
My wife and I had an older friend a number of years back who had a single daughter in her early 30's who was a successful attorney.
Whenever she talked about her she said, "I don't know what she is looking for?
"She could go out with Jesus Christ himself and he would not meet her standards."
The microscope men are under from women today is true even putting looks and height aside.
It is not an imaginary concern.
Consider this take from a female dating coach in the NY area if you think I am just looking at this from a male perspective.
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| Source: https://x.com/livtalley_coach/status/2103639245344657562 |
I have written before about the worrying imbalance between men and women who are college-educated.
Why is that a problem?
Women have historically tended to date and marry men of with at least equal educational attainment. However, that is becoming an increasingly difficult goal today. Almost 60% of college graduates are now women. Only 40% are men.
This is true for almost all college degree programs. Doctorate degrees are a little more balanced but women still earn more than half of those degrees.
This translates into the fact that many women below the age of 40 are earning more than their male counterparts because of the educational imbalance.
You would think that it shouldn't matter but it seems that it is pretty important.
The problem is that even though the world has changed our basic biology and the way the male and female brains are wired has not changed with it. There are primal emotions deep within us that dictate a lot about what we are looking for in a mate.
Many marriage experts will tell you that the most important factor that a woman is looking for in a husband is security. Women want to feel secure that they will be protected and cared for. Men, on the other hand, are looking most for respect. They want to have the respect of their wife.
Do you see a potential problem when the wife is out-earning the husband in the house considering these underlying factors in marriage involving men and women? How does the wife feel secure? How does the husband feel respected?
The other huge primal factor in women is the need to nurture and care.
This is naturally filled by her children.
However, what if she does not have children?
That primal need does not go away. It might very well be filled by something else.
We can see a lot of this playing out in politics today.
This is probably the most important chart in order to understand politics today.
This is from a large poll during the 2024 election.
Our political landscape would look totally different if unmarried women were not voting.
Married men----------59%/39% Republican
Single men----------- 52%/45% Republican
Married women------56%-42% Republican
Single women--------68%/31% Democrat
How do I explain it?
Single women have a primal need for security. If they cannot satisfy that need with a husband they look to government to fill the hole.
Unmarried women with no children to nurture also need something else to direct their nurturing and caring spirit to. They turn to causes---climate change, the homeless, Black Lives Matter. etc.
That becomes the case even when it defies common sense.
For example, how did it make any sense at all for young, single, white women living in big cities to protest and march for BLM and demand defunding the police as they did a few years back?
If anyone needs security and the protection of police in a big city it is a young woman.
I posted these pictures during the BLM and defund the police protests in 2020.
You might see one black person in this picture of a BLM protest if you are lucky
.Almost all are young white women that are probably single.
A young woman "confronting" the police in Portland.
We can try to deny biology and the way our bodies and minds are wired but it does not go away.
The implications for our society are most troubling.
We see it affecting our politics.
We also see it in the behaviors of young men.
Without marriage and a woman in their life they turn to video games, pornography and gambling.
There is nothing about any of this (for men or women) that is positive for our society.
Several months ago I wrote a blog post on "The Collapse of Connection".
It began with these two slides that showed the extent to which human connections are being lost today.
The number of singles (especially young men) is a function of all of this.
This is the path we are on if trends do not change.
1. Collapse of Connection
2. Collapse of Coupling
3. Collapse of Children
4. Collapse of Civilization
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